Logical Connection in Essay

The criteria including participle all the different things in a list and then at the end not to mention so this is basically a linking I’m adding a little bit something with a bridge phrase to it but still a simple sentence now let  look at another example I’m still going to look at the simple sentence I’m going to look at basic the zoo  managers management team was sent to the San Diego Zoo one the team comprised not only the chief handler but the CEO CFO and a group of senior managers so right away I have an inversion so I’m already adding a little bit of variety they were sent there in an effort to upgrade the zoo  operational structure and to ensure the best possible care for both its animals and their handlers.

They were sent to San Diego  famed facilities to undergo specialized training in modern husbandry taking care of animals and such as well they participated in seminars on the business of zoo and theme park operations and logistics lots of information there five sentences 88 words in total now is this what you want to present in your essay you could there  nothing wrong with it but simple sentence simple sentence simple sentence etc each one has an independent clause only so look what I did with all of this information here I have the same information I have one sentence believe it or not this is all one sentence 72 words which means I cut out 16 words so I already did something good because if you can say something in four words don’t use six brevity is a good is a tool basically it  a good weapon for a writer try to say as much as you can with as few words as you can but that basically means you have to include all these different elements and get your variety.

So I’m not going to actually read it out to you it  all the same information read it slowly and carefully but the main thing I want you to notice here is that even though this is one sentence there is still only one independent clause in this sentence no other clauses okay so what I did here I took a comprising is the only thing that I changed I took the verb in subject and I squished it or squeezed it sorry I should say is a better word into a participle that way I maintain phrases only so I’ll modifiers phrases linking words etc I kept all the same information and I have one sentence now do I recommend that you try to do this absolutely not do not do this imagine you  writing a 300 or so word essay if this is 72 words that  almost a quarter of your essay on one sentence you don’t want to do that okay if you  writing a 10 page essay yeah absolutely have once in a while you can have something like this don’t do it too often now the main reason I don’t recommend it having a sentence this long is very it  very easy to make mistakes along the way it  very easy to lose connections.

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